all i need right now, is just a friend.
do you want to be a friend?

sometimes i wonder how strong my mum can be.
so admirable.

everything will get better(:
all you need is just some time to handle it on your own.
its only YOU who can make urself feel better.

there's a hero,
if you look inside your heart
so when you feel like hope is gone,
just look inside and be strong

its my 20th birthday and i am so thankful for everything i have(:

i am definitely blessed with amazing people in my life
& i hope it continues.

this morning, i had one big heart attack.
shree and sharon in my room, with a cake and singing, while i am sleeepin!
one of the totally shocking suprises, when i was looking like a babi.
should i have known, i would have slept with a nicer top. ahhaha(:
thank you much shree and sharon!
e sweetest part was them, waking up at 630 to take the bus and come over.
super touching. very touched.

last night, ANAND&friends came to suprise.
with magnum ice cream, cause no more cake shop open! hahaha
this one also another shocker. cause i didnt expect him too!
veyr nice of them. though i know his friends prob were forced! hahah
thank you so much anand, his lovely gf and his friends(:

i received, super nice, heartfelt text msgs from luqman and ash(:
luqman, thank you for that text.
meant alot. very nice of you. thank you for always being a friend.
& ALWAYS being there(: always keep in touch.

ash, your msg was super duper duper long.
prob saved it in ur drafts and send it to every other girl or soemthing! haha
kidding. it was a very nice text msg.truly, considering the fact that we just recently got to know each other!and have yet to really meeet! ahahha
thank you ash

MAVIS NG(((:
sent a text all e way from AUSTRALIA. so sweeet of you man!
hahah. i woke up, before the shree and sharon suprise, SMILING when i read,
"guess who i am? the one who love playing with ur funny bone!" ahhaha
instantly, i knew! hahaha
love you man(: so much la mavis. hahaha.

and my little sister's msg so touching la!
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY:) you are e best sister ever. if u were not there to guide me through, who knows what i will be today. haha;) i love you so much;) thanks for everything you have done for me! YOU ROCK;) HAPPY BIRTHDAY shazawani akka ;)
love shahira"
touching ah. hahah.shahira kiram. i love you la.

thank you for all the text msgs, calls, facebook msgs, emails(:
THANK YOU TO
mavis, vinod, savrina, samirah, paris (yan ling), thinesh, sanam, shankari, brinda akka, harminder, salihin, azlan, shree, farook, aunty chitra, suha, indren, Amala, Mala, louissa, vithya, naish, ash, uma, harresh, uncle ramu, liwen, ghazali, benazir, babu, idreez, kishaan, ramesh, vicknas, susanne, anand&friends, nantha, manshya, viki, viswanath, Thishalini, Shangari, zahra mustan, ameer malik, neera,anjana, sajetah, sathish shawn, haresh venga, shanky, Deej, vinod(braids), syarifah, iffah, nurmalah, sajui, kani das, cara loh, vishnu, ashraf, iskhandar talib, Hafizd afro, trishna, Hafiz mohamad, Amrit, philip, wahida, kishaan, jaseema begum, erywn, NAUFAL, rahman, pratip, maria, maha&sudesh, khanthan, nadhirah, suganti, pravin, jananee, sunita, kavita, miss zeelia, kabilan, shalini, illyasa, JABA, jana, janet andrew, sumitha, sathia, justin john, hemalini, madhavan charles, rachelle paul,keerthana, rishi, vicknesh, seema, hassan, darrel, Nur stelfa, sindhu achudan, Bhairavi Manimaran, feros shah, Banu Sara, Eswari, Melissa Alex, Nirmal Raj, Sandhya Perumal, Gagendran Nair, rugaiyah, Nabil kapadia, Iyswariya, Saras, Gowri, Sathia Dimple, Angela, p.vicky, Raymond, Luqman hakeem, nithin, shangeeta, cute, prasath, narash, ONG JIN WEN.

& MY FAMILY.
my mummy.my akka.my anna.my shahira. my daddy(:

to vinod, for planning the other suprise at the chalet with my mummy.
together with vithya, louissa, and joel(: thank you!
vinod, the cake you bought the night, super duper nice!!!!!!!
thank you.

my office stuff got me a cake(:
and sang me e birthday song. hahahha.

so veyr nice of them. though initially damn shy and embarrassing all.
work is good(:

my 20th ended with my meet-up with louissa and vithya(:
at esplanade(:
it was nice just talking. and relaxing.
the best part was the singing song part. hahaha!
it was e most creative, interesting birthday song with remix, variations and beat box sound effects all. ahhaha
love you bth. hahha.

my morning started with two lovely ladies,
and ended wit another two lovely ladies.
i love all of you very much.

thank you so for my 20th a sweeet and simple event(:
nothing more i could have asked for.
i am honestly a vyer lucky person.
and i cherish and appreciate all that i have.
all e amazing people in my life.

8:39 PM

i wanted to write out the birthday msgs i got.
some of the meaningful ones.
but decided to type it all out instead(:
so that i can always look back and read them(: hahhaha.

but i am not sure if i will publish this post, or i wont

Louissa
shaz, in case i cannot tahan and fall asleep, let me be safe and wish u first.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! hahaha i love you loads. Have a great great day 2mr!
God Bless You(:

thinesh
-please read this msg at midnight.
see. wont listen to me right. i'm afraid i'll sleep. so just in case,
happy birthday girl.

Anand
Happy Birthday Shaza begum. haha. you have been a good but useless friend all this while. haha. enjoy this day. take care and keep smiling.
cause of the smile i wanted to know you(: love you my friend. once again,
happy birthday.

Arvin Ash
Yeaup. what can i say? Im friendly:) haha and yes, you're a diamond la mike.
the first girl i met that talks more than me,
the first girl i met that laughs more than me,
the first girl i met thats more irritating than me,
And the only girl, i'll meet with a smile weirder than me. You're for some strange reason hot,and for some strange reason cool. You've got the formal side on the outside as a disguise, even though its obvious that deep within its makkal that lies.
You're full of funny dialoge, crazy quotes and pick up lines, all of which you probably chuuri from the internet and from all the roadside romeos that recite them to you at chijmes haha. And and you got that sabertooth smile that leaves a mark for way more than a while. you dance really well, after watching 8 facebook videos i guess its too obvious to tell. anyway of i carry on bragging abt you and measure down the time it took, it would be enough time to write a book. so i guess i should end it here, pick up my beer, and offer a toast to you, happy birthday(:
it was a pleasure knowing you. perhaps if there was a flaw in you, it'll be that usually you're way toooo busy to find a way to sms me. i'll but you 4D the day you tell me you are finally free;) hahah


Mavis Ng
Hey shaza! guess who is tis? hehe. Someone who always disturb ur funny bone in pri sch! hah, anyway, happy birthday and have a gd day(: caht soon ok.

sharon
you are one of the most beautiful friend i have gotten. in heart and in appearence. e day i met you we wasnt that close at all. time went by and we became closer and i have never once regreted knwing ya...(:
happpy birthday shaza za za za! haf a great day ahead! stop laughing at e phone....hahaha

sanam
hello my darling, HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY! i wish you all e happiness in the world and i pray that you're always smiling. and dont ever change the person you r ok? cos ure such an amazing person and i treasure our friendship though we dont speak on a daily basis or meet often, you know you hold a great importance in my life. of cos lahhh,
6 yrs old to now. AIyah love u ah. happpy bday again. mwah, i love you.

Luqman
happy 20th in advance. you'll prbly be swamped with texts & calls tmr, so i thought i'd wish u tday instead.
may all your tmrs be filed with love and happiness. you've beenan awesome friend, th best a guy could ask for. i basically love you, in every sense of the word but you already know that(: and if you've noticed i haven't got you anything for your pass 2b'days. well i have my reasons. enjoy your day zawani. i'll see you sooon(:
and sorry for the super duper long text. haha
love,
your english speaking luqman(:

2:02 AM

Friday, September 25, 2009 »

i dreamt of micheal jackson last night.
and the dream seemed so real!
hahah.
& it must have beeen because i heard his song last, before turnin in(:

1:31 AM

All my life I've made excuses
Pushing you away, saying that you're not for me


You've been trying to get with me for a while
And I've been telling you to save that for another day

So the more you're good to me
The more I try to get you to leave

In the end, in the end it was you

1:07 AM

Thursday, September 17, 2009 »

Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.
-homer simpsons

hahahahahaha.

10:03 PM

Tuesday, September 15, 2009 »

e one thing i love abt fasting month.
breaking fast together, with the family(:
& all the different food on e table.

2:44 AM

& i got my first birthday present(:
hahahaha.
a pretty pretty touch screen MP3.

THANK YOU VINOD(:

12:50 AM

Saturday, September 12, 2009 »

and whoever that lily love is.
idontlikeyou.

9:49 PM

trying hard not to hear but they talk too loud
their piercing sounds fill my ears try to fill me with doubt.

i was reading oprah's biography.
very inspirational.
i love her alot la. admirable.
hahahah! i want to be like her. so influential
and charismatic(: and amazing!
hahhahaha. really interesting i tell you.
& most imptly, how could i forget this,
SHE IS SO ENTERTAINING and SMART.

oh and did you know, her name was actually orpah.
if you interested to know more, call me.
and we can talk all day long just abt oprah(:

but i dont care what they say, i'm in love with you.

9:35 PM

Friday, September 11, 2009 »

SUBWAY
LONG JOHN'S SILVERS
NICE CHOCOLATE CAKE
GARLIC NAAN
IKAN PARI(STING RAY) WITH RICE&KANG KONG
HERSHEY'S PIE
FILET O FISH
NUGGETS
WHIPPED POTATO
PASTA
CANADIAN PIZZA
M&Ms
MALTESERS
CHICKEN RICE
SUGAR CANE JUICE
PIZZA HUT'S BBQ CHICKEN
NASI PADANG
FISH&CO
STICKY CHEWY CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM
STARBUCKS
CARAMEL FRAPPE
CHOCOLATE CREAM CHIP WITH RASPBERRY
MORE CAKES-CHOCOLATE CAKES
MUSHROOM SOUP
KFC

about 4 hours left to break fast.
and yippie yay.
3 weeks have passed!

11:39 PM

Don't stay because you think "it will get better".
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
-sex in the city

and they say,
stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that isnt meant to be.

12:08 AM

Thursday, September 10, 2009 »

& omg. i should stop spoiling my own suprises.
i did it last year. and i could be doing it again this year!
i will not go near my mother's hp from today onwards!

11:24 PM

Why did I break up with him?
Well ,it's like, once I sat down and looked at the situation,
all the pieces lying on the floor, it just wasn't a puzzle anymore.
None of the pieces fit together.
And even if I tried really hard, the pieces,
well they were two different puzzles.
That's why I did it, he needs to understand that.

9:55 PM

Monday, September 07, 2009 »

I need to make mistakes
just to learn who I am

9:36 PM

There's always something more you wish he'd say

6:53 AM

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along

& so updates abt the weekend.
knowing myself. i should have predicted this.
i did go for both. to make them both happy.

and i am glad i went for maha's 21st instead
and dropped by for 10 mins at e other one, jst to say hello!
however, it was upsetting to see arwin.
&how it seemed like we were strangers):
happens i guess. and i'll be fine(:

on a lighter note.
i think ramesh was e sweetest thing there.
and i appreciate his thoughtfullness.
thank you for everything ramesh.

maha's birthday was amazingly fun(:
and so was e dance floor.

went empire after that.
the night was(:
so, i'm glad i did go.

the weekend was a good one.
it ended with my sunday being spent at parkway,
McCafe with justin.
catching up before he enters NS on tuesday.
all e best to you, justin.

Fall, with you, I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath, I hope it lasts

i hear timber calling for me.

12:52 AM

Saturday, September 05, 2009 »

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand

so there are 2 parties tonight.
i dont feel like going for any party tonight
emotionally-blackmailed into attending both):


tonight, i honestly dont feel like doing anything much.
i'd like to sit somewhere, with gd music with a stranger.
hahah only cause i dont feel like talking much.

to add on, i dont see/feel that those ard me would understand this.
i dont expect them too either(:

hahha. as emo as my entries may depict me,
i am actually totally fine(:

& so if i dont go for one, e parents will be unhappy,
and if i dont go for another one, he will be unhappy.

but if i go any of it, i will be unhappy.
i dont like e idea of faking my smiles.

& if i go there, i know i'd make things worst.
not as if, the last time when i forced myself to come for your b'day,
i made things so awkward.
hence jeopardising friendships.
coming tonight will definitely add on to it.
this time it prob wont be your friends anymore, but your family.
you'll prob never understand.
and i could go to make you happy.
but in e end, you wont be.

if i am feeling better i'd go.
tonight feels more of laid back, chill out night.

3:11 AM

Thursday, September 03, 2009 »

Unrealistic promises will only get you in trouble.

seldom angry when circumstances demand a show of annoyance at least;
and yet Librans can shock everyone around them with sudden storms of rage.

Because Libra enjoys balance in their lives,
they seek the middle ground.
In the process, they may end up trying to be everything to everyone.

8:43 PM

Wednesday, September 02, 2009 »

and so i cry when i get very angry.
my eyes are pretty red.
i'm in e office.
i wish 6pm will come sooon((:

ok lets think of pretty stuff.
get my mind of that fuckbag.

anyway i am ok already(:
hhahhahhahahaha
laters(:

2:04 AM

e more losers i meet,
e more i want to be better than them.

& e more i know i'll never want to be like them.

while there are more important things
going on ard in e world, and prob in your own lives,
some rather concentrate on e irrelevant details in their lives.

it makes no sense at all wanting to know
who/how the rumour got spread.
however it would make more sense to put an end to it.

worry is like a rocking chair.
it gives you something to do, but doesnt bring you anywhere.

hence in conclusion,
i do have to sympathize those who spend their precious time away
on ridiculous, pointless activities.

and i used to be warned that the particular racial group i'm in,
happened to be filled with dramatic, exagerated people,
who would tend to blow things out of proportion.
i wouldnt deny it. and i wont stereo-type either.

and countless time, its happened around/to me.
however i wouldnt want to run away from it,
just because i cant handle it.
thats pretty cowardly.
because i know i can handle it, and i will(:
& i'd totally stay for e fight. (fighter la me)

there are those who choose to be away from this drama,
but e more you move away from it,
the more it'd come. somehow, right?
or so i think.
but thats their own personal choice, which does have its pros(:
at least they have made the choice to how they want they life to be(:

anyway, past few days.
i have been blogging so much nonsense.
its e free time at work that's causing this!
& i just happen to have sooo much to rant.

12:57 AM

Tuesday, September 01, 2009 »

The past is history.
The future is a mystery
and this moment is a gift.
That is why this moment is called "the present".

8:57 PM

Relationships are like glass.
Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken
than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

i guess its all about knowing how to move on.
stop looking back at posibilities.
and dont feel sorry that you are most likely going to lose friend in the process.

i have come to realise that maybe truly,
it doesnt make much sense being friends with an ex.
but you could if you wanted to.
well as for me, i am not going to.
(or thats what i'd say, but knowing me. so i'll re-phrase)
i'll try not to.

as much as i have them to always be part of my life,
only cause of the incredible happy and sad, cherishable memories,
i think it is a very corrupted move.

it will be painful.
i cant stand it when others submit to pain and whine
being so negative about it
WAKE UP and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”
—M. Kathleen Casey

this is caused by continual mental reasoning, and
e whole vicious cycle can be broken when
YOU LEARN HOW TO CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS.

i would admit that, i do look back and reminise.
and from past lessons, reminising is pointeless and
basically is
"ASKING FOR IT"
asking for you to feel hurt.

but then you should embrace all these.
you wouldnt want e past coming back.
because it will be like this one day,
"you thought you got over it well,
but e truth is, you just never thought of it"

brushing it to the side of you mind/heart
is awfully unhealthy.

on a lighter note,
i do feel better after ranting it all out(:

i am going to make my mind up,
and when i do i will stick by my decision and will not be swayed anymore.
i cannot be as soft-hearted anymore.

even if it means hurting you badly now,
ultimately for e better, i will do it.
only cause i truly cared and care.

Labels: wake me up when september ends

11:22 AM